Your Journey Through Grief

Scriptures: 1 Thessalonians 4:13, Psalms 56:8, 1 Corinthians 15:26

Pain and Hope at the Same Time

As believers, we grieve when a loved one dies. Death hurts—a lot! The testimony of Scripture and of Christians during the last 2,000-plus years is that believing in Jesus does not eliminate grief. Death is an enemy.

In some ways perhaps grief is even more painful for the believer. God’s love has softened our hearts to the point that we care and love more, so the pain of death is especially excruciating. Deep grief is the price of great love. 

Yes, we grieve. But we grieve differently.

That difference is not the absence of pain. It’s that we experience excruciating pain and irrepressible hope at the same time.

For the Christian this journey is about doing the human work of grief while giving God full opportunity to bring real healing.

It’s about embracing the “not OK-ness” of death and eventually choosing to go on living anyway.

Sometimes the waves of pain and the waves of hope will chase each other as they crash on the shores of your soul. Only a believer who is grieving can understand how it can be possible to feel such excruciating pain and still have such indestructible hope. 

It’s OK to hurt. And it’s OK to hope. 

Scriptures: Psalms 103:13-14, Psalms 116:15, Luke 7:13

Embracing God’s Compassion

God sees you with compassion as you are grieving. Jesus understands your human limitations.

Your grief affects every part of you. Physically you may be affected by changes in sleep patterns, loss of appetite, and physical pain. You may struggle to think clearly, and your emotions may seem confusing and difficult to control. You may feel overwhelming exhaustion. 

Give yourself the kind of grace God extends to you as you journey through grief. You are a human being, with physical, emotional, and mental limitations. Take care of yourself in the simple areas such as drinking water, eating reasonably good food daily, getting exercise, and getting rest. 

Your relationships are also affected by grief. When a loved one dies, family and friends may gather around during the early days to offer support. Sooner or later, however, those who were there initially will likely be going on with their own lives. But you’re still grieving! 

Know that in God’s eyes your loved one’s death is important. It matters to Him. He sees you and understands you. Even when others may forget, He never forgets. When others are busy or preoccupied, He’s always available. 

When it seems you’re all alone in your grief, remember that God is there, whether or not you can see and feel Him. 

Scriptures: Matthew 1:23, John 11:35, Hebrews 4:14-16

Taking Jesus With You

God does not rain down healing or comfort from “on high.” Instead, He comes to be with us. 

A friend experienced the death of her husband about three years before my husband Al passed away. When she learned of my grief, she wrote me a surprisingly short note: “Nobody but Jesus can help you now.” It was perhaps the kindest thing she could have said. 

While it’s vital that you reach out and accept support from others on your journey through grief, pain is perhaps the loneliest thing in the world. No human being can fully “go there” with you. 

But Jesus can. He’s the only One who truly can. And He wants to.

While here on earth, Jesus wept with those who mourned, such as Mary and Martha, whose brother Lazarus had died. 

Jesus is not simply up in heaven doing other important business in the universe; YOU are His business. And through His Holy Spirit He is right there with you this very minute. 

You may not always feel Him with you. Grief can cloud your ability to sense His presence just like the clouds obscure your view of the sun. But He is still there. 

In your darkest moments, simply pause and invite Him to be with you right then. 

Scriptures: Isaiah 1:18, John 11:20-21, John 11:32-35

Asking God Questions 

The death of a loved one usually brings up questions about God, faith, life, death, heaven, hell, eternity, and more. Whatever your previous relationship with God was like, walking through grief may challenge aspects of your faith. 

One powerful truth in the Isaiah scripture for today is in the word reason. The original Hebrew word could also be translated as “debate” or even “argue.” God invites us to bring our questions to Him. He can handle it.

When their brother Lazarus died, Martha and Mary said to Jesus something like, “Lord, why didn’t You get here sooner so You could have kept our brother from dying?” In twenty-first-century English, WHY?

Asking WHY doesn’t mean you have lost your faith. God’s best friends throughout the Bible asked WHY in various ways.

It’s possible to question God with a rebellious heart, trying to tell Him what to do. That’s not what I’m saying. 

But bringing your questions to God as a child would to a loving parent is exactly what you should be doing with them. Don’t pretend they are not there. (And no need to manufacture questions you don’t feel.) 

Bring your questions to God. You won’t make Him mad at you. Doing so can often lead you into an even deeper relationship with Him going forward. 

Scriptures: Hebrews 2:14-18, 1 Peter 5:7

Fear and Death

After the death of his wife C. S. Lewis wrote, “No one ever told me that grief felt so like fear” (A Grief Observed). 

Human beings naturally fear death—their own death and the death of their loved ones. That’s part of the power the enemy attempts to wield over us. 

And grief itself often brings fear. The newness of life without your loved one can stir up feelings of anxiety, confusion, and even panic. 

Remember that Jesus voluntarily entered the open jaws of death, walked up to the keeper of the prison house of the grave, and wrested the keys of death from his hands. 

And then Jesus walked out of His own grave, leading a train of freed captives behind Him. 

Yes, friend, death is a defeated foe. While your feelings of fear are understandable, you don’t have to remain bound by that fear. 

Choose to keep bringing your fear to Jesus and laying it on Him. He’s not upset with you because you feel afraid. He invites you to open your hand and let your fear go. The very One who has defeated death is with you right now.

Scriptures: Ezekiel 33:11, 2 Peter 3:9, Luke 23:42-43

Your Loved One’s Salvation

Many people wonder whether their loved one was saved at the time of their death. If you face that uncertainty, your grief may be especially painful. You may wrestle with even more questions about God as a result. 

Remember that God is not looking for a reason to keep your loved one out of heaven; He’s looking for any possible reason to bring him or her in. He desires for your loved one to spend eternity with Him even more than you do. 

Your loved one’s eternal destiny was decided at the time of his or her death. But you don’t know what may have transpired between your loved one and God during the last moments of his or her life on earth. 

It only takes a moment for a person to say yes to Jesus. And as with the thief on the cross, when a person calls out to Him, Jesus always says yes. That yes is the only thing that decides your loved one’s eternal destiny. 

And when you get to heaven and are able to ask Jesus all your remaining questions, you will be able to say, “He has done all things well.” Your loved one’s eternal destiny is safe with Him. 

Scriptures: Luke 12:13-15, Romans 12:18

Family Relationships

In some families the death of a loved one brings skeletons out of the closet. Relatives end up fighting about inheritance, money, and possessions. You may discover things you wish you didn’t know. 

In other families a loved one’s death brings out the best in people. Family members step up and support each other in important ways, helping each other through the painful journey of grief. 

Jesus’ statement to the person who asked Him about inheritance does not mean such things are unimportant. It just means they are not the most important things. Memories of your loved one, and who you became as a result of your relationship with the person, matter more. 

Relationships with family members may change after the death of your loved one. You cannot control how other family members respond, but you can choose how to respond on your end. 

Choose to be responsible for your own grief work, and to also be open to deeper connections with family if they are open to such. Choose to value people and your memories of your loved one more than things. And where possible, stay connected with family; they are the ones most likely to be near you at the end of your own life. 

Scripture: 2 Corinthians 5:1-8

Present With the Lord

At my husband’s home-going service I placed my hand on his casket and said, “This is not my husband. This is his body, but he is not here.” 

For the one who believes in Jesus this is a very precious truth. The essence of your loved one, the real him or her, is safe in the presence of the Lord. 

Bible scholars debate what “present with the Lord” means. This scripture does not speak to the form or state of consciousness of those who are “with the Lord” after death. Some scripture passages seem to imply those who have died believing in Jesus are asleep awaiting the resurrection. Other passages seem to imply that they are enjoying all the glories of heaven right now. 

Our human imagination cannot comprehend everything about time and eternity. Because death is the entrance into eternity, we should not be surprised that we cannot understand everything about this. If human beings can imagine other universes and time travel, we can accept that in God’s universe all of this is true even when it may seem contradictory to us. One day it will all be clear. 

And until then, you can be certain that your loved one is safe in His hands.

Scriptures: Isaiah 44:22, 1 John 1:9, Romans 12:19

Guilt and Forgiveness 

Everyone who experiences the death of a loved one feels regrets. There are things you wish you had done and things you wish you hadn’t done.

Much of that is false guilt; you could not have known or done anything differently. And yet every human being has failed in some way. You may have truly caused your loved one pain and/or failed to stop pain you might have prevented. 

The only way to deal with guilt—true guilt and false guilt—is to lay it on Jesus. He offers you real forgiveness. It’s too big for you to carry yourself. 

Grief also sometimes comes with complicating circumstances such as homicide, suicide, medical malpractice, negligence, abuse, or other violence. Your pain may be especially deep. 

It’s OK to feel angry, even perhaps angry at your loved one who died. And if others caused your loved one’s death, it’s right that they be held accountable through any legal means available. 

But at some point you will need to face the matter of forgiveness. 

Forgiveness does not mean it’s OK. It’s NOT OK! That is why forgiving is the only way to find release from the poison of bitterness. 

Let God decide the consequences. At the right time, choose to let it go and to let Him handle it. 

Scriptures: Genesis 50:20, Philippians 1:22-25

Finding Purpose Now

Death is not OK! 

But God has a miraculous way of taking the worst that happens—even your loved one’s death—and bringing something of meaning and value from it. 

It can be a little dangerous to say that; it can sound like saying God wanted your loved one to die, which is not true. God is against death—both physical and spiritual death. 

But God will do something meaningful with even this horrible experience if you give Him the chance. 

Paul preferred to go home and be “with the Lord.” But as long as God needed him for a purpose on earth, he was content to stay. 

In your pain you too may feel you would rather go home to be “with the Lord.” But if you’re still breathing, God has something here for you to do. 

You may not be able right now to see what that may be, but you can be certain He still has a purpose for you. 

Make the decision that you’ll stick around as long as God has something for you to do, and trust that He’ll make that clear to you. 

God does not enjoy your pain! But if you let Him, He will both heal you and make something of value and purpose even out of your grief. 

Scriptures: Romans 8:18, 2 Corinthians 4:17, Hebrews 12:2

Looking to Eternity

Life is hard. Often, especially during grief, it feels as though our troubles are anything but “light” or “momentary.” 

If this life were as good as it gets, we would be right to give up. But this is not the end. There is something beyond what we can see and experience right now. 

And for those of us who are walking with Jesus, what is to come will be glorious—so glorious that we will consider our present pain to be so small in comparison that it won’t be worth mentioning. 

For that to be so, that glory will have to be pretty awesome! 

If Jesus had to keep His eyes on eternity to make it through, you and I will have to also. Only by looking to eternity does this life become worth it. 

God understands you can’t see much of anything beyond your pain today. But as you continue walking this journey of grief, your sight will improve, and you will be able to see something beyond right now. 

That future perspective includes a purpose for the remainder of your life here on earth, and even more the life He has for you in eternity. Don’t give up your opportunity to experience the glory that is to come.

Scriptures: Isaiah 25:8, Revelation 7:17, Revelation 21:4

Tears Are Temporary

Wiping tears away is something God has promised His people all along. 

Even back in Isaiah’s time, hundreds of years before Jesus, God talked about His plan to make things right—to do away with death and pain and tears. 

God wiping away your tears is both present and future. It’s receiving true comfort from God and others as you deeply mourn now. And it’s also embracing the absolute assurance that God will make everything—EVERYTHING—right in the end. 

No more death. No more pain. No more tears. That day is coming. 

Imagine the scene. You are standing in the New Jerusalem with others who have also believed in Jesus. Then comes this wonderful moment; God Himself makes His way toward you, puts His arm around you, and with His heavenly golden handkerchief wipes your tears away with a touch so gentle and healing that you will never need to cry again. 

And not only will He wipe the tears from your eyes; He will wipe them from your heart as well. 

Don’t quit now. Don’t give up short of being able to experience that moment. Your tears will be wiped away.

Scriptures: Matthew 5:4, 2 Corinthians 1:3-7

Paying It Forward 

You may sometimes hurt so badly that your only thought is, “Just take the pain away!” 

That desire is normal. Some grieving people sabotage their journey by medicating in unhealthy ways—overworking, sleeping excessively, vegging out in front of the TV, or misusing substances such as alcohol or drugs. Those attempts will eventually backfire. 

Comfort is not the same as removing pain. Comfort means you acknowledge and even embrace the pain and choose to take into your soul the comfort that is available. 

Such comfort comes from many places: God’s presence, caring people, even remembering the best parts of your relationship with your loved one. 

Mourning is valuable and can lead to comfort. Allow yourself to mourn—and to experience comfort. 

Comfort is also meant to be paid forward. 

Intentionally connect with the people and experiences that bring healing to your heart. Keep coming back into God’s presence for the comfort only He can bring. 

And at some point it will be time to pass it on. 

Lift your eyes from your own pain and look for someone else who is struggling. Whether or not they are grieving, there will be someone who needs something you have. Give of yourself. Pay it forward. Your own heart will find even more healing as a result. 

Scriptures: Romans 8:22-23, 1 Corinthians 15:14, 1 Corinthians 15:17-19, 1 Corinthians 15:52-55

The End of Death

As Christians we take it for granted that Jesus rose from the dead. But imagine for a moment what it would mean if that were not so. As good as this life may get, as long as any of us (including your loved one) may live, it’s never enough. It can never be enough. 

This is not as good as it gets! 

Knowing Jesus makes a difference here and now. Jesus never promised life here would be without pain, but He makes a difference. 

And yet this life, even with Jesus, is not enough. Something in our souls knows there must be more. God has somehow encoded eternity in our hearts. And Jesus’ resurrection assures us of that. 

Grief often magnifies our longing for eternity. And that’s a good thing. 

Friend, this grief journey is temporary. Your tears and pain, your loved one’s resting place, your grief—it will all be over one day, permanently done away with. Death will die! 

Your journey through grief is not over after this devotional series. Keep walking. Keep taking God with you on this journey. 

And keep looking forward to the day when death will be swallowed up in victory.