Break-ups are hard, whether you initiated the breakup or not; whether you’d been dating for five years or five months; even if you knew it was the right thing to do. It can feel like you’ll never heal or move past the hurt–that you’ll never be alright again. In this 5-day devotional get Biblical advice for moving through a breakup, finding yourself, and reconnecting with God along the way.
FrontGate Media
Day 1
Scriptures: Psalms 34:18, 1 Peter 5:7
Don’t Stuff Your Emotions
Break-ups are hard, whether you initiated the breakup or not; whether you’d been dating for five years or five months; even if you knew it was the right thing to do. Sometimes doing the right thing–like breaking up with someone who isn’t “the one” for you–hurts. It’s okay to grieve the relationship you lost. It’s okay to feel all the emotions you’re feeling right now. And it’s important to remember that conflicting feelings can co-exist.
●You can feel relieved the relationship is over and be sad it ended.
●You can feel heartbroken over what happened and be at peace with your decision.
●You can grieve the future you envisioned with someone and be hopeful for what’s next.
The most important thing is to feel.
It’s natural to want to stuff your emotions after a breakup. You’re feeling pain, sadness, and maybe even anger, and you just want to make it all go away. But the problem is that if you stuff your emotions, you never get the chance to process them and heal. Then, when you least expect it, these feelings arise (often at the worst time) because the hurt you’ve been carrying gets too heavy.
As painful as it is, it’s much better to allow yourself to feel everything now, especially if you want to move on and have a healthy relationship in the future. So be gentle with yourself and take some time to grieve. There are no rules for how long it takes to get over a breakup. So, there’s no need to judge yourself, whether it takes two days to feel better or 12 months.
Although post-break-up life can be hard, you don’t have to experience it alone. You don’t have to process all your big emotions by yourself. God is close to the brokenhearted–and that might be you right now. He is close to you so that you can lean into Him and not have to go through this season alone. Lean into His Word that’s filled with scriptures about the hopeful, beautiful future He has planned for you. Lean into His promises, and trust that His timing is perfect, even when it hurts.
Day 2
Scriptures: Romans 8:28, 2 Corinthians 1:3-4, Proverbs 16:3-4
Turn to God
Do you trust God? Do you believe that He works ALL things for the good of those who love and follow Him? If so, you can trust Him, even now, in the midst of a post-break-up season. But just because you trust God doesn’t mean you don’t have questions, especially if you thought you were dating “the one.”
One question that might be swirling around in your mind right now is why? Why did the relationship end? Why didn’t things go right or well? Why did they break up with me? Why did they not treat me right? Why didn’t God intervene and make things better?
But no matter what happened or why it happened, one thing remains true: God knows what He is doing. His grace is enough, no matter who messed up in the relationship. His love never ends, no matter how unloved you feel right now. And His timing is right, even if you feel like the relationship wasn’t supposed to end. God’s plans are perfect, and He works out everything exactly as it should be when you follow Him wholeheartedly.
So, rather than questioning yourself or trying to get answers from your ex, turn to God, talk to God, and trust God above all else. Prayer can offer solace and peace of mind during difficult times. Scripture can provide wisdom and guidance on how to navigate relationships. And in moments of heartache, turning to God can help remind you of what is truly important in life.
He is the only one who can provide peace to your hurting heart and anxious mind. He is the only one who can turn something painful into something good. He is the only one who can work everything–even heartbreak–out for good.
Day 3
Scriptures: Proverbs 12:15, Proverbs 9:9, Proverbs 16:21, Proverbs 19:21
Analyze Your Past Relationships
Before heading back into the dating world, it’s a good idea to analyze what went well and wrong in your past relationship. That way, you can be better and do better in your next relationship. Once you’ve taken the time to feel all the big emotions that come up post-break-up, you can start digging deeper into the realities of your past relationship.
Now, this isn’t a time to bash yourself–nobody is perfect, and everyone always has something they can work on to be better. It’s also not a time to point your finger at your ex and list everything they ever did wrong. Instead, it’s a time to ask the Holy Spirit for wisdom and discernment. It’s a time to ask your closest friends and family for their opinions and advice. Sometimes it’s hard to see what went wrong when you’re so emotionally invested. But the people who love you the most can help open your eyes to a new perspective on the relationship.
They say honesty is the best policy, which is true when it comes to analyzing your past relationships. Relationships end for so many reasons. And if you’re honest with yourself, you might be able to pinpoint a few things that didn’t go so well.
●Were there red flags at the beginning of the relationship that you ignored?
●Did you leave God out of the decision of whether or not to date the person?
●Did you leave God out of the relationship altogether?
●Was the person a Christian who actively followed Jesus and pursued their relationship with God?
●Did your friends and family like the person?
●Did you bring “baggage” into the relationship?
●Was the person unfaithful to you? Were you unfaithful to them?
The list of questions could go on, but you probably already know deep down some of the things that weren’t right on your part and theirs. While you can’t change the other person, you do get to decide to date better next time.
Now, there is a chance that the answer to why your relationship ended is simply because it’s not the person God has for you. Everything else could have been ideal, but the timing wasn’t right. In such cases, the only way to be okay is to trust God’s perfect timing and plan. He has a purpose for your life, He knows the people you’ll spend it with, and all of it is good.
Day 4
Scriptures: Jeremiah 29:11, Matthew 6:33-34, Psalms 37:3-4
Take Time to Pursue God and Find Yourself
While dating is enjoyable and exciting, it can also take time away from pursuing things for yourself. Sometimes people feel like they “lose themselves” in relationships because everything they do and think about revolves around the other person. If you don’t prioritize your relationship with God, dating can actually pull you away from Him. If you don’t know who you are on your own, dating can mold you into someone you’re not. If you don’t unapologetically follow your heart and the purpose and passions God has for you, dating could completely distract you from them.
Being newly single is an opportunity to pursue God and find yourself with the same intentionally and dedication as you do a relationship. The more you pour into your faith, the more you’ll learn about God and His plan for your life. The more you learn about your purpose, the more connected you become with yourself. And when you know and love the person God created you to be, you can find a partner who supports and celebrates that–someone who encourages you in your faith and your calling.
Dating requires a lot of time and energy. Now that you’re newly single, ask God how He wants you to spend your additional time. Think about things you’ve wanted to do or accomplish but haven’t had the opportunity to pursue. Do you want to travel? Do you want to pursue higher education? Do you want to start your own business? Do you want to volunteer in your community? Do you want to further your career? Do you want to spend more time with your friends or family? Maybe you’re not sure what you want to do, and that’s okay! Now is a great time to ask God and follow His lead.
God doesn’t hate dating. And if His plan for you is to one day be in a loving, committed relationship that leads to marriage, it will happen. But He may have other things He is calling you to first. Pursue those things wholeheartedly, and you won’t regret it.
Day 5
Scriptures: Proverbs 3:5-6, Philippians 4:6, Psalms 62:1-2
Date When You’re Ready… Really Ready
There aren’t any hard-and-fast rules about how much time needs to pass before you start dating again. It’s just important that you’re honest with yourself about when you’re ready… really ready.
You’ve probably heard of “rebound relationships.” They’re the relationships you hop into right after a break-up to curb the loneliness and boost your self-esteem. They rarely last, and someone usually ends up getting hurt. You run the risk of comparing the new person to your ex, talking about your ex too much, or leading someone on with whom you have no intentions of dating long-term. So, rather than rushing back into dating post-break-up, take some time to be newly single. Do the work now to ensure you’re ready to do better in your next relationship.
If you’re not sure whether you’re ready to start dating again, ask yourself some honest questions, like:
●Do you find yourself obsessively thinking about your ex?
●Do you still feel angry or bitter towards them?
●Do you find yourself comparing prospective dates to your ex?
If your answer to any of these questions is yes, then it’s probably best to wait a little longer before getting back out there. Once you’ve reached a place of acceptance and peace, then you’ll be in a much better position to start a new relationship.
Some other questions to ask yourself are:
●Have you prayed and received peace about dating again?
●Have you forgiven your ex and yourself for what went wrong in the relationship?
●Have you taken time to heal your heart, pursue God, and find yourself again?
If your answer to these questions is yes, then it might be time to start dating again! First, take some time to heal emotionally. It’s important to allow yourself to grieve the loss of the relationship, and this can take time. Once you feel like you can move on, start by meeting new people casually. Don’t put pressure on yourself to find a new partner immediately–just enjoy getting out and talking to new people. As you start meeting people and going on dates, pay attention to how you feel. If you’re feeling anxious or stressed, it may be a sign that you’re not quite ready yet. But if you’re feeling excitement and enthusiasm, it’s a good sign that you’re ready to start dating again. Most importantly, continue to lean into God. He will lead you and guide you in the way you should go when you trust Him with all of your heart.